The Prophet from Colorado Springs

If you're a Christian, sing Hallelujah; the Second Coming is nigh. If you're Jewish, the Messiah is here... and He's living in Colorado Springs. He's masquerading as a talk-show host and right-wing power broker James Dobson, but don't let that charade fool you: He truly must be the Son of God because He has the power to say who is and isn't a Christian.

Focus on the Family founder James Dobson appeared to throw cold water on a possible presidential bid by former Sen. Fred Thompson while praising former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who is also weighing a presidential run, in a phone interview Tuesday.

"Everyone knows he's conservative and has come out strongly for the things that the pro-family movement stands for," Dobson said of Thompson. "[But] I don't think he's a Christian; at least that's my impression," Dobson added, saying that such an impression would make it difficult for Thompson to connect with the Republican Party's conservative Christian base and win the GOP nomination.

Mark Corallo, a spokesman for Thompson, took issue with Dobson's characterization of the former Tennessee senator. "Thompson is indeed a Christian," he said. "He was baptized into the Church of Christ."

In a follow-up phone conversation, Focus on the Family spokesman Gary Schneeberger stood by Dobson's claim. He said that, while Dobson didn't believe Thompson to be a member of a non-Christian faith, Dobson nevertheless "has never known Thompson to be a committed Christian—someone who talks openly about his faith."

"We use that word—Christian—to refer to people who are evangelical Christians," Schneeberger added. "Dr. Dobson wasn't expressing a personal opinion about his reaction to a Thompson candidacy; he was trying to 'read the tea leaves' about such a possibility."

I seem to recall a passage in the bible that warns against false prophets, cautions against people who loudly proclaim their faith, and advises us to go into our closet and pray in silence. But what do I know; I'm just a simple Quaker who believes that talking openly about your faith is arrogant, prideful, and tends to make others think that you think you're somehow more holy.

I also believe that the Constitution was right in saying that there should be no religious test for any office, and if some pompous blowhard with delusions of grandeur decides that Fred Thompson isn't worthy of his vote because he's not "Christian" enough, I need to take a closer look at Mr. Thompson; he might be my kind of candidate after all. (Just kidding.)

Dr. Dobson and his crew keep predicting the End of Days and the Rapture when all of his like-minded "Christians" get beamed up to heaven, leaving behind all their clothes, worldly possessions, and the rest of us non-believers. As far as I'm concerned, it can't happen soon enough: all those annoying, constipated, gay-bashing busybodies will be gone, and we can sell all their stuff on E-Bay.