Harry Potter...By Others

I was over at Why Now? where Bryan has some thoughts on the last Harry Potter book.

In my comment I wondered what the series would be like if it was written by some other famous authors such as:

- James Joyce: Seven volumes, all one long sentence.

- William Faulkner: Harry Potter in Yoknapatawpha County

- Ernest Hemingway: "Voldemort appeared. Harry shot him. He had a butterbeer."

- Anne Rice: "Herminone always knew she was a vampire and she always knew how to use her fangs delicately."

- Leo Tolstoy: Seven volumes, each 3,000 pages long.

Any others?